Why Can't I Love You?

Updated: Dec 28, 2021

(Chinese is underneath)

We all want to be able to love someone and be loved in return. Victoria (anonym) felt she has hard time to commit a relationship and tends to have negative feeling instead of positive one when it comes to her boyfriend's behavior, even deep down she knows his intention is good. She can't feel his love. These paradox feeling ( she knows he loves her but she can't feel it) almost drives her crazy.

When she came to me we found she got a "Block Identify Pattern"- it occurs in response to a trauma which causes fear of annihilation of her true self. She chose to cover her true self with an Obscuring Identity to protect herself. Obscuring Identity begins to operate automatically and also limits the awareness and expression of her true self. It's the best choice she could make at that time and she forgot she made that decision. That's why she is unaware on a conscious level that she can now make different choices which may serve her better.

She said"Everyone leaves me eventually; I can trust or depend on no one, including my parents. I can’t trust my parents, who are never really in my life. They never said I am special nor are proud of me. I never feel loved by them. I couldn’t connect with my boyfriend in any aspect."

Subconsciously she constantly made the decision of leaving the love one(s) first before they leave her, so she could prepare for it. Most importantly it's HER decision. She unconsciously makes the choice of pushing people away and thinks it's the best choice she could make to protect her with less pain. She wouldn't feel her life been destroyed by somebody either because it's her choice and she left first. Is that really true? This choice also limits her of fully loving somebody and being fully present in the relationship because she always focus on the future that she has no control of. She can’t open her heart either. She always tests, suspects and guesses "when the love one is going to leave her". She comes to realize if she keeps doing this - she can’t fully experience love or has a healthy relationship. Here are all her insights during the sessions.

After this session she understands why she behaves this way and knows what to do in the futures. It takes time to digest all the emotions and thoughts. At least she is no longer trapped in the old pattern and she could make a different choice now.

I'm so pride of you, girl!!! And you're very special to me!

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